When does stereotyping go to far? “It’s sad to say that we all stereotype in one way or another, whether it’s a woman who holds her purse tighter when she sees someone who may look threatening, or the teen you assume is “Emo” because you see them wearing all black with black nail polish. Because no one knows who is who, or knows what anyone is capable of doing, society is the way it is.  But it goes to far when a person places judgement on you by how you look in a certain setting, assumes a situation, and attempts to take matters into their own hands.  Since Mr. Zimmerman was walking around with a loaded gun it’s obvious  he was looking for something and ready to pop off at anything.”

Around 7 p.m. on February 26, Trayvon Martin a 17-year-old high school student with good grades, and no disciplinary record, visiting his father in a gated community was killed by self appointed neighborhood watch captain, George Zimmerman.

During half time of the NBA All Star Game Martin walked to a near by convenience store to buy candy for his younger brother.  On his way home Martin was targeted and stereotyped by the self appointed neighborhood watch captain, George Zimmerman who called 911 to report Martin as suspicious.

When police arrived, Trayvon Martin was dead, shot by a bullet from Zimmerman’s 9mm semi-automatic handgun.  Zimmerman claimed the two got in a scuffle and that he shot Martin in self-defense.  Martin was not armed and was found with only a pack of skittles, and an ice tea in his possession.  No charges have been filed against George Zimmerman.

“Bullies are aggressors seeking control.
Their lack of being able to obtain control
is then fueled by violence. Their victims
are often left overpowered and helpless.
Stereotyping is a form of bullying, and
false perceptions of who you are is
dangerous. Wearing a hood over your
head makes you a thug, and a neighboor
hood watchman acting like he’s a sworn in
police officer…. I don’t know which one is
more deadly than the other.”
~Bleau Royale

What is XYMobii? A lot of people ask what is XYMobii.  XYMobii started as a Upscale Social Network for Teens.  Where they can be fabulous and comfortable with who they are as growing into adults.  It’s a place where they can meet new friends, get the buzz on the latest fashion and trends, as well as setting their own and much more.

XYMobii is now a lot more than this.  Along with being fabulous, XYMobii is a place of empowerment active in the anti-bullying cause. XYMobii displays empowerment against the adversity teens face in their lives that cause them to make wrong decisions.  It’s also about teaching them to have respect for themselves and one another.  Respect is something that is learned and unfortunately if not taught at an early age could be detrimental to the child and everyone else around them.  XYMobii shows examples and teaches teens that the bad habits that are formed as children and the poor decisions they make can and in some situations will cause adversity in their lives as they grow into adult hood.

“I want them to know that how they live their lives now is how they will live their lives as adults if they do not decide to make right decisions and break their bad habits now.  Sometimes making that poor decision is more appealing than oppose to doing what is right.  I really want to enforce the difference between now and in the long run.  I want them to think and ask themselves “If I do this, I may get a way with it for now, but what happens after a while?” says Bleau Royale.

With XYMobii there is BULLY BUZZ a national bully intervention and empowerment organization.  ”Bullies need to be stopped, and there are a lot of them out there. Even adult bullies. For many reasons children as well as adults take their aggression out on others instead of channeling it in other ways. I want bullies to know being a bully is a wreckless action that can ruin their life and inevitably hurt or kill someone maybe even themselves. They need to understand that it’s okay to admit they have a problem and get help for their anger and other issues that they have going on in their lives.  I also want the victims of the bullies to know they have power.  They have the power to not allow themselves to be harmed.  No one can help them if they don’t say anything.  A lot of times they may be scared because they’re afraid of being labeled as a snitch. Letting someone know you’re in danger in my opinion is not a snitch. It’s about protecting yourself especially if their not someone who really knows how to protect themselves or is scared all together.”

At the XYMobii website there is a section for reporting bullying.  There if a teen is being  bullied they can submit their information, the name of the bully and their school and other important information.  By doing this they are alerting us of their situation.  We make contact with the victim to discuss their circumstances and how we can help them whether it’s helping them talk to their parent or guardian about their situation, going to schools and speaking with administration, or even in some extreme situations going to the proper authorities.  If you are a bully and want to get help you can also submit your information here as well.  We will speak to you about your situation, discuss your options and help you with obtaining help with your issues.

In conclusion, XYMobii is about teens being able to be fabulous in their own way, explore their own individuality, helping them to make right decisions, empowering themselves and not having to be afraid while doing it.

You can visit XYMobii by visiting http://www.xymobii.com

Bleau Royale was chosen for a Women’s History Month Spotlight with Dangerous Lee. Read the interview below.

Name:

Bleau Royale

What do you love most about being a woman?

What I love most about being a woman is the ability to be soft and sweet or hard and tough as nails when the situation calls for it. Women are extremely underestimated and it’s nice to surprise people with how strong, smart, or excellent you are at something you do.

Have you had to deal with much sexism in your industry?

I have never had to deal with the issue of sexism. If I were ever approached with the issue I’d be ready. I love a good challenge any day, and having to show my capabilities to operate within a certain capacity or field wouldn’t be hard to prove.

Do you belong to any organizations catered to women business owners?

I am currently in process of joining NAWBOLA (National Association Of Women Business Owners).

Who or what inspires you most?

What inspires me the most is God, my children, and my struggles. Life hasn’t been easy for me by far. It has made me stronger than I could ever imagine I would be. God has been and will always be the pillar of my first strength and my children give me my second wind. Strong will and perseverance run through my blood inspiring me to accomplish nothing but greatness.

Something about you that would surprise us:

I’d have to say my imagination will surprise you. My imagination surprises me at times!

Advice for women entrepreneurs:

The advice I have for women entrepreneurs is they must have a lot of confidence, knowledge, and a tremendous amount of faith in God. They are in a leadership position regardless of their particular station within their organization. Each leader contributes to the success of a company which is only one reason you need to be confident. There are many aspects to leadership, confidence, faith, and improving in all areas. Your success in a leadership role depends heavily on your knowledge of your organization. The knowledge of your organization is imperative to function and efficiency.

Many of the everyday aspects of business life will impact your confidence building ability. Success is within your grasp, all you need to do is reach out and grab it by increasing your sense of good business practices to manage your success in every aspect of your job.

The first thing that needs to be is realized is that all of the different parts of business are separate. This is also a fact for the rest of the company. Your business is influenced by many influences as a whole as well as separately. Whether or not you realize it you can draw confidence from the success of others as a company as well as individually.

I highly encourage women not to dismiss prayer as something that will help them build their own confidence. Vision comes before any desire and dream. If there is no vision of what you desire and dream about having you will never succeed. You will quickly see that there are hurdles in every business, and prayer will definitely help you jump over them. Stay focused and do not give up on what you desire or dream of. Clear one obstacle at a time, don’t give up, and you will learn to achieve the confidence levels you so desire, and operate within your full potential.

Source: Dangerous Lee

See how much you can learn about Motivation when you take a little time to read a well-researched article? Don’t miss out on the rest of this great information.

Bully Buzz Intervention and Empowerment founder Bleau Royale who swapped in her troubled life for becoming a successful Motivational Speaker, Entrepreneur, Author, and Anti-Bully Activist has made her contribution to the world in change.

Like many business owners, trying to survive and recover losses from a failed economy can be a bit rough. After the turmoil and spiraled let down from her past business Bleau is on to something great. She’s on to her contribution to the world in change. In a fight to remain a fresh productive member of society 33 year old Bleau Royale has launched national bully intervention program; Bully Buzz to Riverside and San Bernardino County Schools, Communities, and work places.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this organization, Bully Buzz is a national Bully Intervention and Empowerment Organization for young children, teens, and young adults. It is an extension of Teen Social Network, XYMobii. Their goal is to prevent and maintain a zero tolerance of bulling in schools, work places, and communities. They focus on reducing and preventing bullying, cyber bullying, sexting and other digital abuse, educating against homophobia, racism and hatred, decreasing school absenteeism, and deterring violence in schools, online and in their communities. Bully Buzz teaches effective solutions on how to respond to all forms of bullying; as well as educating young children, teens, and young adults in school and online, providing help for those in need and at risk of suicide, raising awareness, peer mentoring programs in schools and for the public.

Bully Buzz enables young children, teens and young adults to submit private request online seeking assistance for bulling situations they may be facing at school, work, or within their community. Their request will create a support ticket in which they will be able to follow the intervention process from beginning to end. They will be able to see times and dates, action taken, and all the forms of contact made within their intervention process, giving them a sense of security that they have someone truly working on their behalf to help secure their safety. In the upcoming weeks they will be implementing the Bully Buzz Hotline for incoming calls on reports of abuse. They intervene at every level possible including helping children and teens talk to their parent or guardian about their situation, going to schools and speaking with administration, or even in some extreme situations going to the proper authorities.

Bullies who are seeking to get help may also submit their information online as well. There is also a place for anonymous reports for those who want to report a situation but want their identity to be protected.

“At Bully Buzz we believe that every person regardless of race, gender, religion, personal trend, and sexual preference has a right to be their own individual in their own way without having to face the fear of being hurt by anyone because of who they are. We want bullies to know being a bully is a reckless action that can ruin their life and inevitably hurt or kill someone maybe even themselves. They need to understand that it’s okay to admit they have a problem and get help for their anger and other issues that they have going on in their lives. We also want the victims of bullies to know they have power. They have the power to not allow themselves to be harmed. They need to know and understand that reporting a bully is not snitching. It’s protecting your safety and the safety of others,” she says.

Her determination paid off when Bully Buzz went live to the world May 2011 and has recently received their first request for intervention, and has implemented 3 new programs into the organization.

My Brother’s Keeper , My Sister’s Keeper Programs, and WROYL Secret Society are now a part of the Bully Buzz Intervention and Empowerment Program’s Intervention process for young boys and girls and young men and ladies.

According to the organizations website they will use the programs as part of their Intervention process that helps build and correct integrity and character issues in young children and teens who bully.

Upon entering the program the bully will have to go through a humility structure and humbling period where he will have to hold a sign for 2 hours in public view.

Within this program bullies will have to become peer consultants to those victims who reach out to Bully Buzz for bully intervention, giving them an opportunity to hear and feel the pain that they put their victims through.

Bully Buzz believes My Brother’s Keeper, My Sister’s Keeper Programs, and WROYL Secret Society will:

1. Create awareness between peers by implementing unified circumstances that create confidential, and trust-worthy communication. 2. Create awareness that everyone is different, but should be treated equally in non-violent matters. 3. Teach proper communication and self-awareness. 4. Create self-control. 5. Impose unity which will decrease and eliminate violence. 6. Create peace in order to create focus on education and life skills needed to be productive in society.

“My life has been a real roller coaster. Being able to give back to society, our communities, and our kids means the world to me and I know it means a lot to a whole lot of other people as well. I’m hoping Bully Buzz will become nationwide so I can give back and help the world. Saving our children and their lives is what’s important. We have to help and save our future, and I will do everything I can to do my part,” says Bleau.

If  you are a victim of a bully, you know of someone who is being bullied, or you are a bully who is seeking help visit bullybuzz.org or call 855-BUZZTIP to submit your request for intervention.

Now that wasn’t hard at all, was it? And you’ve earned a wealth of knowledge, just from taking some time to study an expert’s word on Motivation.

It’s not just about listening.  It’s about how you listen.  It’s about Active listening.

Your ability to communicate effectively with your children is one of the most precious skills you can develop to achieve this goal.  When we think of communication, we tend to think only of the way we can express ourselves. While that is certainly important, listening is the single most crucial of all communication skills.  It’s particularly frustrating when they aren’t talking to you and equally frustrating for your children when you aren’t listening.

1. Make Your Children Your Focus

Give your children your full attention. I know that this is a toughie, because we tend to be so busy. It seems as if we are always multi-tasking. However, it is important in clear communicating that you make a point of stopping what you are doing and really listen to your children (rather than just hearing them).

When you give your children your undivided attention, they will know that you care, because you took the time to listen, thereby increasing the chances that they will listen to you.  You will also find out what is going on in their lives outside of home.

2. Get the Details 

Hear what your Child is really saying! Children tend to give terse answers to questions, leaving out details that may be important. It’s up to you to be able to get them to open up and draw them into a conversation.

Here is an example:

Child: “I hate my teacher!”
Parent: “Oh, you don’t really mean that!”
Child: “Yes, I do. I double hate him!”
Parent: “Well, I don’t want to hear that kind of talk. I am sure you don’t really hate him!”
Child: “Yes, I do so. I hate all teachers!”
Parent: “Do you think hating your teachers is going to get you a good mark?”

And on and on the arguing goes….

Here’s an alternative:

Child: “I hate my teacher!”
Parent: “Wow, you don’t normally hate anybody. What did he do to get you talking like that?”
Child: “A couple of kids didn’t have their homework finished again today, so he decided to punish all of us by giving us a math test tomorrow!”
Parent: “That doesn’t sound very fair!”
Child: “No, it isn’t fair at all. I wanted to go over to Jennifer’s tonight to hang out and listen to music. Instead I have to study for that stupid test. I am so mad at my teacher! He ruins everything!”
Parent: (Just listening.)

This Child was able to express herself, and she felt validated by her parent.

You will notice that the parent didn’t argue about the feelings the Child had. The parent listened and was not judgmental. You don’t have to agree with your teen’s feelings. You only need to acknowledge them. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. We can’t help what our Children may feel. We should set limits, however, on behaviors that don’t conform to what we consider to be appropriate behavior.

Expressing one’s feelings is a healthy thing; although negative expressions of one’s feelings should be avoided, such as screaming or name calling. A good way to avoid this is using time-outs–wait and continue the conversation when everybody has calmed down.

3. Open-Ended Questions 

Questions can be crucial to communicating with your Children. Ask questions that they can’t answer with only a yes or a no.

For example in the above scenario the parent could ask the teen, “What could you do to help your teacher change his mind about the test?”

Child: “I am not sure. This guy is so stubborn!”
Parent: “What if you talk to him and come up with better ways for him to deal with the kids that aren’t doing their homework?”
Child: “Mmhhh, maybe I could give it a try.”

4. Criticize Behavior, Not Your Child

Moving from the listening to the talking part of communication, your focus shifts. When you want to see a change in your Childs’ behavior, using the following structure can be very helpful. “When you______, I feel______, because I need______.” This wording (known as “I“ message) doesn’t attack your Children’ personality. Instead it merely talks about an action of theirs that you’d like to change and why.

Here is a scenario you might relate to: The chores were not done. Your Child went out instead. This example does not show the best way of communicating. It is a personal attack and makes statements you may not stick to anyway.

Parent: “You didn’t do your chores! You are such a lazy slob! You never do your chores, and I always have to do them for you. Next time you don’t do them, I am going to ground you for a week!
Child: (Feels pretty lousy.)

Now here is an example using the “I” technique:

Parent: “When you didn’t do your chores before going out, I felt really mad. We had an agreement about chores being done before going out, and I need you to do
your part of the chores, or I am stuck doing them for you.”
Child: (Thinking.) “I guess that makes sense.”

Remember when you start a sentence with
“You are such and such,” you aren’t
communicating. You are criticizing!

5. Let the Consequence Fit the Action 

A fairly big problem that parents run into is looking for suitable punishment for broken rules. However, the penalty applied usually isn’t related to the Childs’ action. As parents, we need to show our Children that each choice they make has consequences, but the discipline needs to be appropriate.

Parents tend to punish their Children by taking away something the adolescent enjoys, for example no TV for a week. Let’s take the earlier example of the chores not being done, such as the laundry left in a heap. It would be more beneficial to the development of your Child if you base the penalty on a natural connection between his action and the punishment. A good way of showing the consequences to his action in this instance would be having him do your laundry as well as his next time, since you had to do his this time. When following such a step, you are practicing “silent communication”. This means letting him experience the natural consequences of his actions. This technique speaks louder than any words ever could. It illustrates to all people that they will be held accountable for what they do.

As they grow, Children tend to receive more privileges from parents. It is important for them to realize that more responsibility goes along with the extra freedom.

6. Using Descriptive Praise 

We all praise our Child sometimes. We tell them, “You are a smart kid.” Perhaps you might say, “You are a good piano player.” We mean well, but unfortunately this kind of praise doesn’t bring the desired effect of making your Child feel good about himself. Why is that? It is because what we are doing is evaluating their actions. With this type of praise, we aren’t giving evidence to support our claims, and this makes the praise fall flat and seem empty and unconvincing.

We need to describe in detail what they are doing. As your Child recognizes the truth in your words, he can then evaluate his actions and credit himself where he feels the praise has merit.

Here is an example with evaluating praise:

Child: “Hey, Ma, I got a 90 on my geometry test!”
Parent: “Fantastic! You are a genius!”
Child: (Thinking) “I wish. I only got it ’cause Paul helped me study. He is the genius.”

Here is an example with descriptive praise:

Child: “Hey, Ma, I got a 90 on my geometry test!”
Parent: “You must be so pleased. You did a lot of studying for that test!”
Child: (Thinking) “I can really do geometry when I work at it!”

Describing your Children’ action rather than evaluating them with an easy “good” or “great” or labeling them with “slow learner” or “scatterbrain” isn’t easy to do at first, because we are all unaccustomed to doing that. However, once you get into the habit of looking carefully at your teen’s action and putting into words what you see, you will do it more and more easily and with growing pleasure.

Adolescents need the kind of emotional nourishment that will help them become independent, creative thinkers and doers, who aren’t looking to others for approval all the time. With this sort of praise, Children will trust themselves, and they won’t need everybody else’s opinion to tell them how they are doing.

Another challenging problem concerns when and how we criticize our Children. Instead of pointing out what’s wrong with your teen’s actions, try describing what is right followed by what still needs doing.

Example: Your Child hasn’t done his laundry yet.

Parent: “How is the laundry coming?
Child: “I am working on it.”
Parent: “I see that you picked up your clothes in your room and in the family room and put it in the hamper. You are half way there.”

This parent talks with encouragement, acknowledging what has been done so far, rather then pointing out what hasn’t been done yet.
Active listening opens the gate for better communication and a better relationship with your children.  They will talk to you about anything once this is mastered.

Source: Bully Buzz

Riding the familiar yellow school bus is an enjoyable rite of passage for most students, but for many it can be a place where bullying occurs unchecked. Here’s what you can do to help.

by Kathy Shiels Tully

“The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round…”

Singing countless rounds of “Wheels on the Bus” to your toddler probably painted a cheery image of the iconic, bright yellow school bus, exciting him about the day he’d be big enough to ride the bus to school himself.

Now, however, he’s older and regularly riding the bus to and from school—and dreading it each day, each way. That’s because what he has discovered is not so singsong happy. Chances are he’s either being bullied himself or witnessing other children being bullied—physically, emotionally, verbally, or socially—on a daily basis.

“School buses represent the number two place for bullying, second only to the playground,” says Quintina Strange, founder of Bully Buzz, a national bullying intervention and empowerment program.

Strange, a mother of two children who were bullied, created the Moreno Valley, Calif.-based program in 2010. Young adults, teens, and young children can submit bullying reports and request help confidentially, either online at www.bullybuzz.org or via a toll-free hotline at 855-BUZZTIP (855-289-9847).

Bullying on the bus shouldn’t come as a surprise. Think of your child’s bus like a school on wheels. According to the American Public Health Association, 440,000 school buses transport 24 million students to and from schools in the United States every year. Collectively, these buses travel 4.3 billion miles daily, with only one adult to get them to their destination safely.

The school bus is like a classroom where children learn positive and negative behavior, in small, steady chunks of time. “With school buses serving as the first and last school function for millions of schoolchildren every school day, our efforts to restore and maintain safe, calm environments on the school buses sets the stage for restoring everything in between,” says Nicholas Pizzo, director of organizational development for Student Transportation Inc., a school bus transportation company based in New Jersey.

Unlike school or an open playground where teachers are available to help when there’s a problem, there’s only one adult on the bus, the driver, who’s busy keeping her eyes on the road, making it difficult for her to monitor bullying, as well. Add to that the contained environment of a school bus ride, which can last 30 minutes or longer, and a child can feel trapped and helpless.

Ensuring a safe ride is a shared responsibility among the children, the school, and the bus company. What can—and should—your child do if she is being bullied or is a witness to bullying?

Tell someone. “Convey to kids the difference between ‘tattling,’ which is when someone is trying to get someone in trouble and ‘reporting,’ which is when someone is trying to get someone out of trouble,” advises Pizzo.

Let your child know his voice is being heard. Take time to really listen. “When your child says that she’s being bullied or that’s there’s bullying on the bus, listen,” Strange says. “We’re so busy being wrapped up watching TV, playing sports, paying the bills, making sure homework is done.” Your child has the right not to be harmed or touched and also has the right to help others who are being bullied, Strange says.

If bullying continues, speak up and do something about it. Lead by example. “We have to be responsible as adults,” Strange says. “Let your child know, ‘This is not how it goes.’ ” Take corrective action, whether it’s contacting the school administration, the parents of the bully, or the bully himself. “Bad habits, if not dealt with as a kid, carry into adulthood.”

Besides dealing directly with your child’s situation, there are other things you can do:

Communicate zero tolerance for bullying. This should be communicated clearly to your child—within the school and on the bus. To ensure that this message gets through to all students who ride their buses, Student Transportation Inc., visibly posts clear anti-bullying rules on their buses, with statements such as “Students on this bus do not tolerate bullying,” “We will not bully others,” and “We will tell bus drivers if someone is getting bullied.”

Have strength in numbers. There are usually more children on the bus desiring a peaceful ride home and not making trouble than there are bullies. Use this to your child’s advantage. “We need more kids willing to step in and say, ‘This is not right,’” Strange says. “If you love yourself and won’t allow yourself to be hurt, then you won’t allow another person to be hurt.”

Know that the situation can turn around. An innovative approach Strange uses on her Bully Buzz hotline is a program called My Brother’s Keeper. She puts former bullies to work on the hotline “so that they can hear the pain caused by bullying.” The former bullies also become peer consultants, now helping, not hurting, those being bullied. The intervention costs $30 and kids are enrolled in the 90-day program by a parent or guardian or are placed in the program through the court system, as retribution in the form of community service.

Why all the extra effort to help the bullies themselves? “These kids are our future,” Strange says. “Some of these kids need counseling but don’t [get it] because they let pride get in the way.”

Equally important is teaching our children to speak up when they witness bullying on the school bus; likewise, adults need to listen to the concerns of children who say they’re being bullied, speak up when they learn of bullying behavior, and contact school and bus officials. If all that fails, parents may need to deal directly with those involved—or contact their local law enforcement officials for assistance.

For more information on this article and its original source visit School Family at schoolfamily.com.

Freelance writer Kathy Shiels Tully and her husband live with their two daughters north of Boston.

Source: School Family